8:22 AM PDT - Apr. 14, 2004
i don't feel like working. i feel tired. some days i feel depressed. like today. i don't know why. the backs of my arms and my elbows ache. i make myself move around. look at pictures of my son. those make me feel better. pictures of my wife. those make me feel better also. i think it is when i am at work that work depresses me. i think it's because after working with the big project and seeing that for the most part all my work is done and seeing that they get their big checks today and i get nothing for helping them depresses me. telling myself that corporate america works that way doesn't help. seeing others get rewarded for hard work doesn't help either. it doesn't motivate me to do more. it sucks too to know that a whole bunch of folks will be getting fat checks today. and even though some tell me that all they are getting is $10,000, ten grand is alot. this is so much bullshit. maybe i don't want to work here anymore.
